This post might be pointless. But this blog isn't completely just for people to be updated on my life. It's for me. I hate writing in a journal and I love the internet so this is kinda like my journal. I'm not a huge private person so I don't really care if you know what I'm feeling. So if this offends you in anyway I don't mean it personally. I just want to show my true feelings and I'm set on doing that.
So Hungary has gotten better. I've made friends, well I think I have. I've gone to a party and I've watched more movies. So that's good. Plus I can count to ten.
But I'm still homesick. People say to stop talking to my parents. But if i don't hear from them I have panic attacks. They're keeping me sane and I need them more then anything right now. I miss my hugs on a daily basis, I miss my mom laying on the couch and me laying on her lap, I miss her playing with my hair. I miss my dad coming into my room at night saying goodnight. I always looked forward to that, even when I was upset with him. And I've been pathetic, but he's done it for as long as I remember, and I still wait for it everynight and everynight I get let down because I don't hear it.
Right now, if I was offered to go home. I wouldn't turn it down. I miss my friends, yeah of course. But I don't care if I don't see them if I go home as long as I have my family beside me. Sorry guys, not trying to be harsh but yeah.
I had a dream the other night. It was awful. I was at home, outside on the deck. Lillie was playing fetch with the blue tire and Zola was hiding under the table. It was so realistic and I feel like it's happened. Dad was grilling steak and we were sitting at the table under the sun. I woke up and swore I was at home. And then I heard hungarian and knew I wasn't. I lost it.
This dream has occured to me twice now. And you can't control dreams. So I don't know what to do. I'm lost for words at this situatuion. They said with you're exchange you will learn to appreciate America. I realized I do. So I've learned my lesson. What now?
No comments:
Post a Comment